Tuesday, October 6, 2009

He Waits

It's so hard to be with God.
Spending time with Him is so difficult.
I know it's what I am supposed to be doing
But at times I go out of my way to avoid it.
What am I afraid of?
Am I afraid of what He might say?
Or am I more afraid that He might be silent?
Maybe it's more that I'm afraid of what I would say
Or not say.
I go before Him as a disobedient child goes before his father.
Just once I'd like to go before Him with my head held high.
Can't say that has ever happened.
Whatever condition I happen to be in
I can't stop going.
Like the prodigal son's father, He waits for me every day.
And most days I disappoint Him by not showing up.
Still He waits
He loves me that much.

Today I haven't met with Him yet
But I will.
It isn't going to be easy
Cause I screwed up again
A lot.
Maybe I'm not up to going today.
I'm too ashamed to be in His presence.
There's just too much to deal with
I will go….but
Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow
Still He waits
He loves me that much

It's tomorrow and I haven't talked to Him yet
In fact, quite a few tomorrows have passed by
The fear and shame still grip me
I know He wants to see me anyway
At his point however, in my own mind
My shame outweighs His love
Still He waits
He loves me that much

No more tomorrows
I sat with God today
I couldn't stop crying
Somehow I knew He was crying too.
I told Him I was sorry and He told me that He loves me.
I told Him I was scared and He told me that He loves me.
I asked Him to forgive me and He did.
I'm trying to start over.
I'm trying to not give in to the thorn that plagues me
I'll do better
But I won't be perfect
There will be days when I will fail
And He'll be waiting
He loves me that much


Diane Bouwman said...

Wow great writing Garry. I couldn't agree with u more . I think we all struggle just getting on Gods lap to talk.

Preacher2009 said...

Fantastic Gerry! I struggle everyday just to get past not telling God how I am struggling. God loves us despite and in spite of who we are. He has plans for us. So after sitting on God's lap, I can make it one more day. I praise God for all of you.

Preacher2009 said...

Hi Garry. Great inspirational message. Like the prodigal son, I ran away to Germany spending my life on wild living. God waited because He loved me so much. God waited for me to wake up and look up and realize that despite the fact I ran away from him, God waited until I decided to run toward him. I cried knowing how much I sinned and the best part is what he said, you have been forgiven. "when I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put childish things behind me." 1 Corinthians 13:11, NIV. God told me you are forgiven, and "my grace is sufficient."